Embracing the Darker Side of Life

Seriously, there is so much inspiration in Halloween I can hardly stand that I only get one week to focus on it! Although I've certainly had "darkish" periods in my life, I'm generally a cheerful person who hopes to shine a little light out into the world for myself and others. But, I can't overlook the value in embracing the "negative emotions" we all will inevitably feel throughout our lifetimes. There really is an extreme amount of creative force that dwells in the darkness.

As I type I'm thinking back to a paper Starbuck's teacup I once held with a quote from the angst-filled pop singer Alanis Morisette talking about how anger was the most creative force she ever felt. Having grown up in a home where anger was no stranger, I knew that I didn't want to continue to be angry but I also really didn't know the appropriate way to act when I felt anger and other strong emotions. When I read that quote something in me clicked. I began to see that I could take this dark stuff and make something out of it. Anger is an emotion to let you know that something, somewhere is off. Sometimes it's in you, sometimes it's in something around you, but it is definitely a signal for change!

For me one of the best gifts of yoga (I know I say this way to often but I can't help it!), was to practice "acting" rather than reacting - to learn to use what I had in a productive manner rather than in an aggressive or destructive manner. So here is the practice....  you come up against an uncomfortable sensation, i.e. an intense stretch, a challenging arm balance that you can't quite do that might make you feel a little frustration, memories of uncomfortable situations in your life, boredom, and more and you learn to turn in. You become quiet, you pay attention to yourself, you honor your feelings and you just breathe through it. You do what we call play your edge. You stay steady and respect your personal limitations and at the same time working to expand your capacity. The amazing thing that happens when you face those darker forces and just hold steady is that they very quickly begin to dissolve. They don't feel as powerful. You start to see through them and you begin to feel more powerful, more balanced, and more capable.

John Friend who created the Anusara Yoga Method often talks about "Divine Hide and Seek." The idea is that Grace or Divine Consciousness hides herself in all things so that we may each take pleasure in finding her over and over again.  As a student and teacher, we are each encouraged to look for the good in all things. Looking at life this way really does begin to feel like a game. After practicing for awhile it gets very easy and fulfilling to find the good in the daily life. It is a little more of a challenge and perhaps even more of a gift to find the good in the darker side of life.

The following is a short list of the potential and power of the more "negative" emotions of life that has developed for me from my yoga practice.

• Fear creates boundaries that limit our choices so that we can more greatly focus on certain areas. It also has the potential to keep us safe from uncomfortable situations.
• Anger is a signal that something needs to change. It has the potential to give you energy and courage to break out of your comfort zone and make something happen.
• Sadness softens us and calls us to connect with others. It helps us to both turn inward to make a deeper connection inside and creates for us a vulnerability that others notice and so it draws people closer to you.
• Pain combines the elements of fear, anger and pain. It limits you, signals that something needs to change, and encourages you to enlist the help of others to move past it.

Like all things, too much of one thing is rarely good. It is easy to get trapped in these powerful emotions. There are likely going to be points in our lives where we feel stuck but if we keep our hearts and our eyes open to the goodness and beauty that dwells within us and remember that there is the potential for growth in all things we can usually find our way out. And, if we can't do it on our own it's important to remember that there really is so much help if we simply ask.

"The Seed Cannot Grow Until It Is Ready to Let Go"

As the vibrantly colored leaves flutter all around us here in Ohio, the idea of "letting go" is a common theme for reflection. Nature is preparing for her big turn inward away from the harsh elements that come with winter. Many of us will also be making preparations for the change of seasons by rotating the clothes in our closets, putting away  patio furniture, and planning indoor activities and gatherings. It's time for us to move our focus from the external to the internal.

Just as the plants and trees shed all but their most essential elements, Autumn is the perfect time for us to assess all the "stuff" in our lives. Personally, I believe that everything that has ever come into our lives has the potential to serve a purpose. The question for us to ask ourselves about the elements of our lives is whether the stuff we hold on to is still serving the purpose of supporting our most essential selves, has the potential to serve that purpose, or is just waiting for us to release it on for "recylcing."

I was looking for a nice inspirational quote about answering that question, "how do you know what to hold on to and what to let go of?" After a quick search, the best I could find was a quote that stated the obvious. In one of his songs, country singer Keith Urban sings "life is a balance of holding on and letting go." It's certainly true but finding that balance can be challenging. I felt like I wanted a little more insight. As I looked up into the beautiful gumball tree in my backyard, I heard the voice of my own heart whisper, "The seed cannot grow until it lets go." The answers to so many questions can only be found inside you... inside your own heart. What is essential? What continues to nourish you? What is depleting you? What is just waiting for you to release it so that it can grow into something new? When the answers become clear, that is the time to act. If they aren't clear yet, hang on a little while longer until the season is just right for your own growth.

This reflection is the inspiration for my yoga class tonight. We'll be doing yoga twists to help cleanse and detoxify the body as well as cultivate clarity and balance in our minds. If you are a student of mine, I look forward to sharing the practice with you and if you would like more information on my classes, please visit www.flourishunlimited.com

... and my favorite shoes don't fit me anymore

Wow! I've been gone for awhile! But here I am again. Hoyt is in school a few hours a week and with that my mind feels a little clearer. One of my college professor's once told me "you know Kathleen you really can't do EVERYTHING." I didn't really agree with her at the time. I wanted to at least try to do everything.  Finally I realized you really can't do everything at least ALL AT ONCE. I felt inspired again to come back to this blog and I couldn't help but share this great quote of Hoyt's today and it's impression on me. As many things in my life do, this quote offers great insight and inspiration for my yoga classes. So here's the quote...

"God made me, ME, and then he put me in an egg... and I grew Bigger and BIGGER!!! and now my favorite shoes don't fit me anymore..... where are my dinosaurs?"

The truth is we are always outgrowing our favorite and most comfortable "things" without even trying! Many of us continue to hold on to stuff well past their most functional time. Over time we get weighed down and worn out from carrying everything from our past. Fall is in the air and it is the prime time for letting all of our used up stuff go. The bonus is that when we let go of the old we make room  in our lives for new favorites and a feeling of freshness, clarity and vitality. I think letting go and finding new favorites is an essential part of a joyful life and is part surrender and part effort.

You may or may not have a lot of old material stuff but many of us also hang on to  patterns of moving, thinking and even feeling that regrettably aren't good for us anymore. Yoga is one way to process and release these old habits and patterns. I teach Anusara Inspired Yoga. In this practice, we use a concept called "Beginner's Mind." When you adopt a "Beginner's Mind" you let go of all the stuff you think you already know so that you can experience yourself and your world clearly as you truly are today unaffected by the filters of the past and future. Once you see where you really are, you can better assess what is adding to your life and what is draining or wearing you down. With this new awareness, making changes in your life becomes empowering and energizing rather than hard or sad.

The trick to beginner's mind is to really try to surrender, to be humble, to open to Grace and to let go of any preconceptions or judgements. In this state of curiosity and inner quiet you become more receptive to feedback from your body, heart and the CURRENT state of your mind.

You might image that wide-eyed look of an infant gazing out into an unfamiliar world and gaining true pleasure from the simplest of things... eye contact, a familiar voice, something... anything to touch or hold or taste. Life is so full of things that can give us pleasure if we open ourselves up to seeing what else is out there for us and each other.

We'll be working on this concept along with improving the alignment of our neck, shoulders and heads by releasing old postural patterns and creating new ones at Mulvaney's Personal Training Center tonight from 7-8. I hope you can join us. More details about location and such is on my website www.flourishunlited.com

Stay Curious!